Maybe this is a period in your life, a section of your path, through which you need to go thoroughly and with all possible respect for yourself. No one can say how long that period will last and when it will pass, because it probably depends only on you, on how much time you need to cover some cosmic distances in your inner life.
Maybe it’s that you have to be alone. Not only do you learn to wake up and start the day on your own, to fill your time with content that will help you survive, but to realize that you can really do it on your own. That you don’t need anyone at all to be satisfied with yourself and your life, that you don’t depend on anyone’s confirmation, approval, support, help. To feel that you don’t have to do it alone, but that you can and want to. To find enjoyment in your days, in freedom, in silence, in the way you reach out to your life and take up space in it. You are fulfilling your life, it is fulfilling you – and that is something you are doing, for which you do not need anyone’s permission and blessing. You can take care of yourself to become the person you want to be, the person you are, you can have your place, your peace, your home, whether you have someone to share it with, or you are alone.
Maybe, in this period of your journey, in this part of your winding path, it is about redemption. Maybe you have to do your best to open your heart, to care, to nurture, to believe in goodness, to express vulnerability and accept the vulnerability of others, maybe you have to “soften” even though the world around you is hard and rough.
Maybe you just get another chance – to forgive yourself for spending on those who didn’t appreciate you, to find your true value, to believe in it, to appreciate and respect yourself, the way you haven’t before, because you haven’t had a chance. You believed that you get respect and love from others, from those to whom you give it, you believed that only through exchange can you get it. Now you learn that you don’t have to exchange and give anything to others, to be a good person, to be complete, to feel deserved. You are worth and deserve love and respect, because you exist. But there is no one who will convince you of that, there is no one who will “lift” you when you are overwhelmed by self-pity, remorse, guilt. This is an opportunity to face your feelings on your own, to reject what hinders and burdens you, to break the captive patterns and to “lift” yourself – to believe in yourself, to love yourself, to value and respect yourself. And to do and practice it, until it becomes easy, simple and natural for you, such as the love and respect you show to others, to those you love and respect.
Maybe on this section of your path you are not looking for love, but a return to yourself, a path to your own soul. Maybe that path is the joy that you forgot to feel and celebrate life with, the joy that bursts, that laughter is closely connected with tears, that pours out of you without fear, censorship and control.
Maybe on this curve of this part of your journey you are just learning to allow yourself – everything. To stop blaming yourself, to rebuke and condemn yourself and treat yourself like a child who is not clear enough, but is therefore problematic. Maybe right now you take that child by the hand and start playing with him, maybe you just realize how much joy and life that child is and how much you can learn from him, you just need to give him a chance. Tenderness, acceptance, forgiveness.
Maybe no one will ever come to save you, because you become your own savior on your way. All those who hurt you, who you lost and who left you were your guides – they led you to this point, to this part of the road where you don’t need anyone’s guidance, because you know where you’re going, because you listen to your inner voice and you believe mu. You heal and become what you are – and that is the most important thing in the world, that no one can give you and that you have been preparing for all your life. You can do it. You’re just doing it.